So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize