Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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