So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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