you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
