Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
two words...techno handjob
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
