dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
