forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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