Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
