You're a womanizer and a bitch.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
