doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
