cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize