Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
