Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
