my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
