forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
