What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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