morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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