he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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