I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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