It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
