Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
