i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
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