You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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