1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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