Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
