Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
