I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
