eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
