when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize