remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
