Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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