It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
