I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
