If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
