The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
