What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
