I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
