I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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