I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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