I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Is it penis luge time yet?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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