Its about making memories worth repressing
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize