New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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