Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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