I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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