dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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