btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
