Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Moan for me like Helen Keller
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
