rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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