When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
