His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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