I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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