i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
