If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
