My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
