My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
