btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
