I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
