You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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