Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
