It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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