we're blogging at a bar
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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