If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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