Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
