she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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