Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize