My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
