she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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