Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
