We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
