how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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