and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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